Still confused.

I haven't really made any progress in the job search area.  I've been thinking a lot about what I want, what I'm good at and what the possibilities are.  I've also been praying and asking for guidance.  That last bit requires patience.  You know how it is with God (or perhaps you don't). God has a much better grasp of the big picture than most of us, certainly better than I.  Often, hindsight reveals that there was a lovely path to a lovely destination, but I kept getting distracted by moderately satisfactory possiblities.  People have told me over and over that I'm too picky.  They said that about my inability to find a proper husband, until Brian showed up. Of course, I didn't even meet him until I was 35 years old.  It seemed like I WAS being too picky or something.  

I feel quite stuck about the job.  I really want to do the right thing.  The question is this: Does God have a particular job in mind?  Does he just want me to do my best wherever I am? Am I incredibly selfish and picky?  I know that I am incredibly fortunate, blessed, lucky.  I don't have to work, at least not to earn money, but I enjoy working and went to school for a long time.  I hate to lose those skills. But, most of the jobs I find are not here.  Some are within 40 miles, but are very demanding.  

So, I have decided to take a leave of absence from the Lupus Foundation for the summer and maybe forever.  Don't know what the future holds. Wait and see.

Lots to do.

One week ago, I was sitting in a room with many other women, learning about being a disciple of Jesus Christ.  I was on the Walk to Emmaus.  http://www.upperroom.org/emmaus/  It was a wonderful 72 hour experience.  I felt great joy and, by the end, more peaceful.  In fact, although my employment situation is sometimes difficult, I am trying harder to work with it and do a better job.  

I have a lot to do, on many levels!  I have a very long "to do" list for the next several weeks (getting ready for VBS, the Emmaus gathering, my son's birthday, baseball, our disorderly house).  Work is challenging, frustrating and stressful, because we try to do a lot of programs with very little time and little appreciation.  I see unchurched or under-churched people all around me and wonder how I can help the Lord to reach them.  Wow.  So much to do.

The wonderful thing is that I don't feel weighed down by it all.  This is very unusual for me!  I usually find the world such a depressing, disappointing place.  I just want to give up.  Somehow, I feel changed.  I feel more willing to forge ahead.  Maybe I can become a vessel after all.  Who'd a thunk it!

Well, I hear the laundry and "Toys R Us" calling.  Better get to it.